My (Rambling) Thoughts On Malesub and Masculinity

Good day to all you Kinksters out there!

Sorry for not posting in a while (without announcing a known hiatus), but work, August heat/mugginess, and depression have taken their toll on me in the last few weeks. I have been thinking of my kinky bunnies nonstop, but I’ve had difficulties in getting my words out on paper (well, on the web, technically).

In the meantime, I’ve been having a great deal of training at work (yay for more qualifications) and it has been rather exhausting, as flight cancellations made for a lot of overtime. I want to say that it was good for my wallet, but a cop who stopped me for speeding decided to give me the highest fine possible (1,300.00$ plus 14 demerit points out of 15) despite it being my very first offense (and I was driving at an average highway speed on a highway). So my wallet has been bled dry despite all the overtime work. Needless to say, this has caused me to have a considerable panic attack and many sleepless nights. But, beyond having a lawyer look at the ticket, there is nothing I can do in the immediate moment. I’m trying to shut the door on this massive problem and move on.

Now that you know what’s been eating away at my poor tortured insides, lets get to the reason you guys are actually reading this: the kinky bits. I really want to tackle the subject of malesub and masculinity today, as my subby-hubby is the main inspiration for this post.

Malesub is incredibly attractive, so why is there such stigma against it?

Would that I had the answer to that, my dears! There is but one thing that I know is one hundred per cent true, and that’s that very many women love a man who can be vulnerable. Not all women will admit it, even less are willing to describe themselves as Femdoms/Dommes/etc. because of the associated implications (pro-Dommes usually come to mind, and it is not every woman who enjoys donning 8 inch heels and latex). The result is that many men see vulnerability and the desire for submission as an inherent flaw that will make them lose respect rather than gain it.

To be perfectly frank with you, I think our patriarchal society is to blame for that. The traditional male gender role has been established as domineering and stoic, unemotional and intriguing, with all the machismo someone can throw behind it. Just look at men’s cologne advertisements, or worse, the ones for men’s jeans. The men in it are very beautiful specimens (*drool*), and they mostly fit a very precise and crafted view of masculinity (I’m talking about the ripped, but lean Adonis-types that exist mostly thanks to the wonders of airbrushes and photoshop… mostly). But, beyond their basic appearance, they are always; a) doing a “manly” sport, such as sailing, riding a motorcycle, pumping iron, or swimming in a tumultuous ocean; b) driving in a sports car; c) taming some wild beast (or a horse, for some reason); or, finally, d) having a woman at their feet begging for their attention.

If you are a fan of my blog, so far, you will probably understand, without explanation, why there are inherently problematic. If you are new to my blog, welcome! I am a very opinionated young Femdom with sometimes-switch tendencies. I am very much a Feminist and a firm believer in equal rights (except for the bedroom *wink*). Some may even call me a social warrior, but I am going to disagree as I don’t take issue with quite as many things as they have a tendency to do. All clear? Good.  Continue reading

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Thirty Days of Kink – Final Post – Days 28-30

 

Thirty Days of Kink – Days 25 through 27 –

Today’s post is short and sweet, partially because of the nature of the questions asked, and partially because I am gosh darned exhausted by my work at the moment. Still – I didn’t want to let my kinky bunnies down.

– Day Twenty-Five –

How open are you about your kinks?

Uhm… I think the answer is obvious: very. I am an oversharer by nature. I am very enthusiastic and love to share things I love and enjoy. Sometimes people can get uncomfortable around me because of it – my filter isn’t always on.

Reader Question – Difficulties Integrating Kink in a Relationship and Depression

Warning: This post may very well be quite gloomy.

Disclaimer: The reader who wrote to me gave me permission to publish and answer the question on this blog.

Dear Miss Pippa Minty,

Firstly I am a fan of your blog and found you through Miss Pearl’s blog. I like the way you write and the stories that you tell. I thought I would write to you and ask for your advice.

I am feeling my most despondent with kink and with being a submissive at the moment. I think not finding anyone to play with or have a relationship with is quite frustrating. I have also found it difficult to do casual and found that it is not for me, I tend to get attached and subsequently hurt.

A combination of frustration and living with anxiety and depression + living at home doesn’t make things easy. Do you have any hints and tips on how I can manage this frustration / channel these feelings in a constructive way?

Kind regards

M—

Dear M—,

Continue reading

Thirty Days of Kink – Days 22 through 24 –

– Day Twenty-Two –

What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?

Honestly, when it comes to keeping a relationship healthy, I am not sure that a BDSM relationship does differ from a vanilla one. I find that any and every relationship, whether it be romantic, platonic, or even just an acquaintanceship will suffer if people do not communicate openly with each other. Passive-aggressive behaviour and having the person you are in a relationship with guess at what you are feeling usually leads to disaster. Eventually, you will get to a point in your relationship that you will know each others’ thoughts, but still never assume that that is the case. Communication, respect, honesty are key to any relationship. As I’ve mentioned in a previous Thirty Days of Kink post, they are also key elements to a healthy kinky relationship, as they also imply safety and consent.

– Day Twenty-Three –

Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed? How so?

Absolutely. While I still occasionally like to switch and be submissive, I have found myself more and more on the Dominant side of things. I enjoy being a FemDom. I enjoy the power and the mischief I can get up to. And I enjoy taming my total brat of a husband. I think that this Dominant side of me was always there, but allowing it to truly blossom has changed my outlook on kink and on my own place in life in general. Thanks to Miss Pearl‘s good advice, I have also benefited from a completely different perspective of kink than the one I first came in with.

I believe I have mentioned this before, but I initially got in with the BDSM Fashion crowd. Not bad people, but like in every model event, it is full of pettiness and backstabbing. Honestly, I thought all kink was either totally extreme or totally bitchy for the longest time because of this. So I stepped out of the scene.

My relationship with my husband and my meeting Miss Pearl has allowed me to grow into kink in a more wholesome way. I have now made kink my own in a way I never had before. I realized that if latex doesn’t make me feel sexy, I don’t have to wear it to be a Dom. It’s little details like that that make me very happy my perspective has changed, as I now enjoy my sex-life a lot more. Continue reading

Thirty Days of Kink – Days 19 through 21

I have a lot of catching up to do!! *scrambles hurriedly*

So without further ado – the continuation of my Thirty Days of Kink series!

Thirty Days of Kink

– Day Nineteen –

Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life?

Yes, actually. I have been struggling with Anxiety, Major Depressive Disorder, PTSD and some Bipolar Disorder for some years now. Medication and therapy do what they can, but kink plays a very important part in making me feel better.

When I am submissive and get a spanking, it seems to clear my head of all anxieties and only the delicious pain remains. I can stay elated for quite a while after that. I am aware that the adrenaline and endorphin high is probably the cause of it, but it is beneficial nonetheless.

When I am Dominant, I get drunk on the power and control I have over men. It makes me able to move past my negative thoughts and PTSD. Depression usually goes away simply because I feel evil and mischievous. The fact that I feel strong and sexy doesn’t hurt either.

Back to the Bawdy Blogging (and some writer’s block to boot!)

Hello, my Kinky Bunnies!

The Prodigal Dom has returned. (Ego trips this early in the morning clearly get out of hand.)

I do apologize for the prolonged hiatus. It’s not that the Internet is still lacking, it is that I am so exhausted by my current work + move + work + unpack + work + clean the apartment + work overtime + unpack routine that my brain feels as though its been wrung out like a worn-out loofah. The result is a bad case of writer’s block.

This is due, in no small part, to a current lack of inspiration. Subby-hubby is just as tired as I am. Our sex-life at the moment is completely non-existent. That is not to say that I am not horny. I am just too tired to act on my kinky impulses; mostly because they require me to stand up and move and that is just far too much effort after the sort of days I have been having.

However, I am getting back into the fray!

I am planning a nice spanking session for the hubby tomorrow (I have my first day off in 3 weeks on Wednesday, so I can stay awake all night on Tuesday if I must *wink* ), which will be our first foray into kink in the new apartment. We did uh… “christen” it before the furniture came in (having sweaty, tired sex on the bare wooden floor of the empty front room – it’s not worth a blog post, as we sort of fell asleep halfway through).

But this will be our First True Kink (TM) experiment in the new apartment. I also bought an O-ring (hard point) to fix to the living room ceiling for some suspension play, so you know this new apartment will be turned into a den of debauchery before long. It’s just a question of having the bloody TIME. Time has become a commodity we take for granted, but I need to realize that – no matter how hard I try – I can’t work more than 24 hours in one day.

Sorry, I seem to be going off on a philosophical tangent there. I will shut up before I do some serious damage.

But do know that I am back. Blocked, but back. And for those who have written to me, I have finished pondering your very interesting questions and I should be responding within the week.

Cheerio, dah-lings!

 

Hiatus No. 2

Dear readers,

this is simply a friendly advisory that I will not update this site for the next two weeks or so. This is due to me moving house and having no Internet installed at the new place during that time. I will probably be working on some posts, but my old computer is too old to bring elsewhere, so I am S.O.L. when it comes to publishing more stuff.

For those who have written to me, I promise to reply to you as soon as I can, if I have to find a library to respond.

I apologise for the inconvenience.

Sincerely,

Pippa Minty

P.S. Have a naughty picture on me! *wink*
Source: http://alternativefemdom.tumblr.com/post/146964971594/coffeecafeaddict-if-you-are-a-good-boy-then
What I wish I looked like: taking the sexy librarian to a whole new level!                                                                                                  Source: alternativefemdom

 

Thirty Days of Kink – Day 17 & Day 18 –

Note: I am sorry for the delay in posting, my naughty bunnies. Unfortunately, real-life-itis has struck me hard this week. I am moving to a new apartment and hardly have any downtime. This is me trying to catch up. I am still alive!

Thirty Days of Kink

– Day 17 –

What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?

Thirty Days of Kink – Day 16

– Day Sixteen –

What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?

Probably to get people to understand it. Not that I feel the need to explain or justify my kinks. It’s about the one thing I feel comfortable with. However, some of my friends tend to fear that my interest in BDSM stems from my Anxiety and other deeep-seated issues.

They aren’t completely off the mark. It is true that I use kink to help me calm some of my anxieties. The control I exercise over my husband during our sessions makes me feel exceedingly confident and empowered, something I sadly lack in my day-to-day life. When I play the switch and sub for someone, the endorphin high tends to change my headspace entirely to one that is actually tolerable, instead of the deep hellhole it usually is (sorry, this is becoming depressing…).

Nevertheless, it is not because of my Anxiety that I turned to kink. It is not a coping mechanism for me. It is simply a bonus, a side-effect of my sexual appetites that I get some relief from the constant torture my brain likes to inflict upon me.

So I’m tired of explaining. I’m sick of reassuring. I know my friends mean well. But I am having difficulty with Vanilla people asking me if I shouldn’t be seeing a shrink about my kinky habits. I already DO see a psychologist and a psychiatrist, thank you very much. And no, I don’t really speak to them extensively about my sexuality because I fear the same reaction as that of my friends. The constant knee-jerk reaction of:  “omg, you like BDSM, you must be severely damaged!”

Yes. I am damaged. Yes, I have a lot of baggage. But it does not influence me in my kinks. I’ve been kinky as far as I can remember. I’ve got a mind that chooses to reside in the gutter permanently. Always have. The damage done to my psyche neither reinforced, nor changed this about me. And dealing with people who do not understand that is very difficult.