Back Into The Fray…

… And about time too!

Hi my naughties!

I am so very sorry for my prolonged absence. I don’t want to turn this into a self-righteous rant, but Life has most definitely happened and in the worst of ways. I’ve had everything from a full blown return of my depression to a death of a close family member, on top of financial difficulties. In short, my life has been a fiasco for a couple of months, and that has not only led to little writing, but also to very little sex (depression = no libido).

However!! I am jumping back in, and full steam ahead!

There are a few kinky things I’ve been up to of late, which will be the subject of upcoming posts (because they deserve their own posts – but I promise, they will actually be up soon). Here are the topics you can expect to see covered in the upcoming weeks:

1. Le Salon de L’amour et de la Séduction a.k.a. The All About Sex Show

Taking place at the end of January, or beginning of February (depending on the year), Montreal plays host to the All About Sex Show, which has a long-ass French name to satisfy our loving, and not at all tyrannic, O.L.F. (French Language Office).

A side note for those of you who do not hail from Montreal… Continue reading

Pink Water – Personal Lubricant Review

Review time! ^_^

Warning! Those who have issues with TL;DR, you may wish to skip ahead to the last header, though you will be missing out on some snarky remarks from me *wink*

About Lubricants (personal or otherwise)

We all have needed to use some at least once in our lives.

While we all have a great laugh at names like “Mr. Lube” and conversations that use the word “lubricate” (okay, it may be just me – screw you, I am too a mature individual!), but the truth is that it is a very necessary product. Whether you are using it to prevent a door from staying stuck, ensure the smooth running of your car, or using WD-40 to detangle a cosplay wig, the lubricant is what makes everything go smoothly (no pun int-… who am I kidding, that pun was totally intended!).

And vaginas are another contraption that requires some greasing.

Whether it was due to stress and nervousness, dehydration, medications, lack of arousal, hormones, time in the cycle; whatever the reason, the quote from Kill Bill

[…] this chick’s cooch will get drier than a bucket of sand

is sometimes more on point than an individual in possession of Lady Bits would desire.

Yes, yes. I know. It is a sad reality we endowed with female genitalia have to deal with. We could cry you a river, but then we would be even more dehydrated, and that’s bad news for whatever you want to have going on down there. Most times, most vaginas are lucky and self-lubricate. But it is not always enough, or sometimes can be completely lacking.

So we have to result to some external help. I speak, of course, of personal lubricants (please, children, do not use WD-40 internally or on mucus membranes) – though a good foreplay in capable hands will also aid things significantly.

With Vaginas, it’s all because of friction.

I remember seeing a T-Shirt sold in one of those tacky souvenir and novelty shops that spread like a bad case of the clap around the tourist traps in my city. I can’t recall the exact wording on the garment, but it showed a brief 3 panel comic with stick figures.

1st image: two stick figures fucking.

2nd image: their genitals catch fire.

3rd image: nothing is left but a pile of ash.

And that, my friends, is essentially what happens without personal lubricants if you’re unlucky. There are also many factors that can worsen said chafing, but that’s not what I wish to discuss here.

All this to say that I wish to review my favourite lube – especially when it comes to anything vaginal (sex, masturbation, toys).

PINK Water – designed with Women in mind

product_all_water

Please don’t be mislead by the caption. It is also fantastic for men! However, there are a few things that make the PINK Lubricant products the vagina’s special friend.

PINK is the line of female oriented lubes designed by the same company that does Gun Oil lube. While I have never used Gun Oil before, the reviews for it are stellar (except for the few idiots that mistook it as an actual firearm lubricant and wondered why it gummed up their weapons – god, I wish they were trolling!). So when I was looking for a personal lubricant for myself, I certainly short listed it as a potential choice.

My personal problem with most lubes is that my skin is too fucking sensitive.

I am not trying to be coy or cute about it – no Princess and the Pea tale here, folks! – my skin is bloody awful. Wonderfully pale, I bruise if you only look at me wrong. And I do mean bruise: the big, blackish-purple swells with the greenish tinge along the edges, grace my body every other inch. I seem to be a weird cross between a topographical map and a dalmatian.

On top of that, if I so much as think about going out in the sun without SPF 60 sunscreen, I break out in hives. You read that right. Miss Pippa doesn’t burn – in fact, she is one of the few lucky natural blondes of Northern Europe who can properly tan. As a compromise, though, she gets an allergic reaction to the fucking sunlight – because karma, I suppose. So if I am not careful (especially in the summer), I will spend all my days indoors, tearfully rubbing cortisone antihistamine creams onto my skin.

But, wait! There’s more! Call now and you can hear all about how Miss Pippa will bruise from the wind. This is not an exaggeration. Especially in the Winter, when the winds are icy cold and have a mean streak to them, I will end up with what looks like clawmarks all over my exposed skin (this is especially true of my neck and has been cause for concern for many acquaintances of mine). Bright red lines biting deep into the pale flesh. For most people, those marks go away in a matter of minutes. Mine last at least half a day.

All that to say that my skin needs – uh – extra special care when it comes to products that will be used on it. For instance, I can just forget about latex condoms: they give me a rash that will last for weeks.

In comes Pink Water to save the day!

(I also need to work on being more concise… jeez, that intro was long *sweatdrop*)

Continue reading