Thirty Days of Kink – Days 22 through 24 –

– Day Twenty-Two –

What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?

Honestly, when it comes to keeping a relationship healthy, I am not sure that a BDSM relationship does differ from a vanilla one. I find that any and every relationship, whether it be romantic, platonic, or even just an acquaintanceship will suffer if people do not communicate openly with each other. Passive-aggressive behaviour and having the person you are in a relationship with guess at what you are feeling usually leads to disaster. Eventually, you will get to a point in your relationship that you will know each others’ thoughts, but still never assume that that is the case. Communication, respect, honesty are key to any relationship. As I’ve mentioned in a previous Thirty Days of Kink post, they are also key elements to a healthy kinky relationship, as they also imply safety and consent.

– Day Twenty-Three –

Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed? How so?

Absolutely. While I still occasionally like to switch and be submissive, I have found myself more and more on the Dominant side of things. I enjoy being a FemDom. I enjoy the power and the mischief I can get up to. And I enjoy taming my total brat of a husband. I think that this Dominant side of me was always there, but allowing it to truly blossom has changed my outlook on kink and on my own place in life in general. Thanks to Miss Pearl‘s good advice, I have also benefited from a completely different perspective of kink than the one I first came in with.

I believe I have mentioned this before, but I initially got in with the BDSM Fashion crowd. Not bad people, but like in every model event, it is full of pettiness and backstabbing. Honestly, I thought all kink was either totally extreme or totally bitchy for the longest time because of this. So I stepped out of the scene.

My relationship with my husband and my meeting Miss Pearl has allowed me to grow into kink in a more wholesome way. I have now made kink my own in a way I never had before. I realized that if latex doesn’t make me feel sexy, I don’t have to wear it to be a Dom. It’s little details like that that make me very happy my perspective has changed, as I now enjoy my sex-life a lot more. Continue reading

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Back to the Bawdy Blogging (and some writer’s block to boot!)

Hello, my Kinky Bunnies!

The Prodigal Dom has returned. (Ego trips this early in the morning clearly get out of hand.)

I do apologize for the prolonged hiatus. It’s not that the Internet is still lacking, it is that I am so exhausted by my current work + move + work + unpack + work + clean the apartment + work overtime + unpack routine that my brain feels as though its been wrung out like a worn-out loofah. The result is a bad case of writer’s block.

This is due, in no small part, to a current lack of inspiration. Subby-hubby is just as tired as I am. Our sex-life at the moment is completely non-existent. That is not to say that I am not horny. I am just too tired to act on my kinky impulses; mostly because they require me to stand up and move and that is just far too much effort after the sort of days I have been having.

However, I am getting back into the fray!

I am planning a nice spanking session for the hubby tomorrow (I have my first day off in 3 weeks on Wednesday, so I can stay awake all night on Tuesday if I must *wink* ), which will be our first foray into kink in the new apartment. We did uh… “christen” it before the furniture came in (having sweaty, tired sex on the bare wooden floor of the empty front room – it’s not worth a blog post, as we sort of fell asleep halfway through).

But this will be our First True Kink (TM) experiment in the new apartment. I also bought an O-ring (hard point) to fix to the living room ceiling for some suspension play, so you know this new apartment will be turned into a den of debauchery before long. It’s just a question of having the bloody TIME. Time has become a commodity we take for granted, but I need to realize that – no matter how hard I try – I can’t work more than 24 hours in one day.

Sorry, I seem to be going off on a philosophical tangent there. I will shut up before I do some serious damage.

But do know that I am back. Blocked, but back. And for those who have written to me, I have finished pondering your very interesting questions and I should be responding within the week.

Cheerio, dah-lings!

 

Thirty Days of Kink – Day 13

– Day Thirteen –

Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you. Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?

Uhm… because it’s my sexuality? I’m not sure I’d go so far as to call it my sexual orientation, but, for as long as I can remember, I’ve been into the kinky stuff. I was raised in Germany by a mother born in the 1960s. My mother never shut up about sex, even when I was a child.

I quickly became hyper-sexualised that way. I was curious about sex long before my peers in school and long before I had the hormones to make it a pleasant experience. Thanks to German late-night television and smutty magazines, I also quickly discovered the world of porn. And missionary was just… BORING!

So I looked at other things. I always enjoyed the feel of leather against skin. I’m a horseback rider, so I won’t deny having a preference for riding crops. It was little things like that that attracted me to BDSM in the first place. Also, the idea of being tied up and of con-non-con (consensual non-consent) just turned me on from the earliest moments…

But what draws me in the most is the look in the eyes of my play partner. When I make a handsome man like my husband beg me for things. When he begs to have me, when he begs me to come, breathless and enthralled by my sexual power over him, I get weak at the knees. (Not to mention soaking wet between my thighs!) This vulnerability and desire in a man just gets to me. Also, the inherent trust in a D/s relationship is something I love. And I’m just not that much of a fan of plain ol’ sex. Don’t get me wrong – I love PIV when I’m in the mood for it. But the mood has to strike me. I get very little out of it otherwise. I don’t even finger my vagina when I masturbate. I prefer to tease my clit instead. Penetration is something I have to desire for it to happen, but I can still get my rocks off in other ways.

And I think that that is the main appeal. Getting my kink on and being sexual without “laying back and thinking of England.” I love bringing the tease and playfulness to the table. I get turned on by ideas in my mind – I get turned on when I daydream about what I might do to my husband when I get home. The actual “traditional” definition of sex is overrated. The teasing is where all the fun lies.

Thirty Days of Kink – Day 5 –

– Day Five –

What was your first kinky sexual experience?

Okay, those of you who have followed thus far will remember that I mentioned cyber-sexing with total strangers I met on the Gaia online community forums as a teen. Well, I did that A LOT. One of the people I met that way even sent me images of him masturbating (my first dick picks before they became the bane of modern women!) after one of our cyber sessions. I remember a few choice details of our conversations that I related to my high school friends over lunch the next day. There was the part where he wrote “turn around, I’m going to fuck you like an animal!!!!” (yes, the exclamation points were his) that particularly stuck with me (I can still quote it from memory, so it must have). And then there was the “now swallow” line.

I remember that last one because one of my friends, lets call her “Free Spirit,” was particularly grossed out by that line when I recounted my session to her. I remember her telling me that she found the idea of swallowing cum utterly disgusting. And then she admitted to having also tried cybering once, but that she and a friend had chickened out when they had been asked to send a picture of their breasts. Not that it matters. We were teens, we were incredibly arrogant and believed we were the best… and we were gosh darned stupid.

When it comes to real-life kinky experiences though, my first experience was with my now subby-hubby (who needs a better nickname than this… seriously, what’s wrong with me?). He tied me up in a hog-tie with some rope. I remember finding it all incredibly erotic and getting turned on merely at the idea of being tied up. Continue reading

A Walk With Miss Pearl

A few days back, the weather was glorious, and I got invited to go on a walk along the water with Miss Pearl.

Over the short time that I have known her (barely half a year, really), I have come to regard Miss Pearl as a close friend whom I can trust and share things with in a way that I never had in a friendly relationship before. Most friends I have had in the past would violently flail and make gagging sounds if kink was mentioned in any shape or form. Add to that the fact that I have trust issues as deep as the Marianas Trench and you’ve got a recipe for an antisocial recluse – which I sort of am. So I am very grateful for Miss Pearl’s ability to coax me out of my burrow and – sometimes under protest – into the real world. (Not the real world!! The light; it burns us. I will melt!)

She is, also, partly responsible for my return to the bosom of the Kink community. Truth be told, I view Miss Pearl as a friend and mentor when it comes to Kink. She has more experience with the world of BDSM than I and her advice is pure gold. And that advice, dear Internet, is something I feel the urge to share with you.

I am lucky to boast a phenomenal auditory memory and I can frequently quote people verbatim ac litterarim months, even years, later. It is a useful skill for my theatre projects to say the least… But I digress.

So, on our walk by the waterfront, Miss Pearl and I naturally stumbled upon the topic of Femdom, as we are wont to do on such occasions. Of course, in a conversation about Domination, we inevitably ended up speaking of the submissive men in our lives and what buttons to push to get them off.

And this is where Miss Pearl’s advice, while absolutely valuable, also turned to a pure comedy chef-d’oeuvre. You see, Miss Pearl has a way with the spoken word (also reflected in her writing) that  would probably make Jane Austen envious. (I was going to say she could rival Shakespeare, but I fear the Theatre Gods might strike me down if I were to suggest such a thing.)

As we mention our respective gentlemen’s “buttons,” Miss Pearl says to me: ‘When I give blowjobs I like to sing the “Farmer Bingo” song in my head.’

For a moment, I had to ask her what song she meant. Having grown up in a German language household, I could not recall the song. So Miss Pearl sang the first few chords to me. I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or be horrified: it was exactly the silly ditty I thought she meant!

I had to stop dead in my tracks and burst out laughing. Miss Pearl looked at me with a huge grin. ‘What?’ she asked. ‘It’s got the perfect rhythm to suck a guy off. And if you breathe based on the song and its rhythm, it will prevent you from accidentally vomiting all over the guy’s lap.’ And Miss Pearl began to sing the song again, moving her head back and forth to mime a bj. I believe I might have been crying of laughter at this point.

After I had regained my breath for a bit, I asked her if that song also worked for handjobs.

‘No,’ she told me. ‘When it comes to handjobs, all men are special snowflakes. Some, like [Wildcard], require a lot of care and are all about special handgrips to be able to orgasm from a handjob. Others like it if you treat their cock like a bottle of Snapple juice…’ She paused then added: ‘If you really hated that Snapple.

I had to giggle and asked her what she meant, as the imagery this conveyed to my mind was pure hilarity. ‘Well,’ she elaborated, ‘you just firmly grasp that bottle of Snapple and angrily shake it until you get a result.’ Delightfully irreverent as Miss Pearl is, she actually mimed the motion as well.

But for bjs, the Bingo song works to get a guy off every time, no matter the man,’ she concluded.

We then moved on to a plethora of other topics (our walk did last two hours), but that specific advice stuck with me. It was simply too brilliant not to share.

And guess what I will have to try next time I take my gentleman to bed? *nudge, nudge, wink, wink*

Who, What, When, Where, Why?

The first thing I was ever taught about writing a story was to respect that rule. There are five vital questions that must be answered in your story. Who is the story about? What is happening to them? When is it happening? Where? And, most importantly, the motivation aspect: why? Although this blog is intended to be more of a memoir/journal type of site, I will construct it properly, as I have been taught.

So, here are the answers to these all-important questions…

Who am I?

(“Can I condemn this man to slavery?” – Yes, I can! … And I will not apologise for gratuitous musical references. I will someday win a Tony Award!)

While I would love to say that it is obvious, I fear that I, myself, still lack the answer to that question. I am in search of the person I am, because I don’t think I am who I was meant to be yet… This is due in part to a crisis of personality and confidence that has been plaguing me for some years now. However, it is also due to some things in my past that I am trying to let go of – as I move on to new things, I am not sure of who I am, as I am still morphing into something new.

There are a few things about me, however, that have remained consistent, and those I will most gladly reveal. I am happily “married” (my glorified boyfriend forgot to file the official paperwork, so I am not “technically” wed, despite having the ring and worn the white dress already…) to a man whom I love deeply, and who is helping me exploring my sexuality and whims. He is very turned on by my newfound dominance and helping me evolve into what I wish to become. When I first got together with him, I was a total submissive, partly because of past trauma – a means to defend myself. I went from that to being a switch, enjoying the power trips I could get at the top. However, we got in with a bad crowd, and the idea of being a dominant suddenly scared me. I retreated so far that I stayed off the fetish scene for years, hiding behind a Vanilla persona to protect myself.  It is only with the advent of a new friendship – with a group of open and accepting friends – that I have been allowing my dominant personality to emerge again.

Because I am a Dom. When people get a glimpse of me, in my relationship, that tends to be the image I project: I am the one in control. I have been a control freak all my life. It is only natural to wish for control over my sexuality… and control over my partners.

So, who am I? I am not Jean Val-Jean. But I am quite happy condemning my partner to slavery.

What is this about?

It will sound excessively narcissistic, but this is about me. It is about my journey as an emerging Dom and my experiences (and experiments) with FemDom. It is, simply put, a journal of my sex-life. In an age where people vlog and blog and overshare everything online, so much so that a simple cat photo can go viral, why not share my new reality with the world?

A close (and amazing) friend of mine (her name is Miss Pearl O’Leslie… you will want to read her stuff. Here’s a link to her site. Go. NOW!) inspired me to do this. She writes about FemDom (and does she ever write it beautifully), in part because she wants others to have easy access to FemDom stories, and because her blog can teach others to follow in her footsteps. I am hoping that my little blog experiment will push others to do the same, so that real-life FemDom can stop being something that haunts the creepy corners of the Internet, and be seen as the healthy sexual preference it actually is.

Simple, really. Continue reading