Review time! ^_^
Warning! Those who have issues with TL;DR, you may wish to skip ahead to the last header, though you will be missing out on some snarky remarks from me *wink*
About Lubricants (personal or otherwise)
We all have needed to use some at least once in our lives.
While we all have a great laugh at names like “Mr. Lube” and conversations that use the word “lubricate” (okay, it may be just me – screw you, I am too a mature individual!), but the truth is that it is a very necessary product. Whether you are using it to prevent a door from staying stuck, ensure the smooth running of your car, or using WD-40 to detangle a cosplay wig, the lubricant is what makes everything go smoothly (no pun int-… who am I kidding, that pun was totally intended!).
And vaginas are another contraption that requires some greasing.
Whether it was due to stress and nervousness, dehydration, medications, lack of arousal, hormones, time in the cycle; whatever the reason, the quote from Kill Bill
[…] this chick’s cooch will get drier than a bucket of sand
is sometimes more on point than an individual in possession of Lady Bits would desire.
Yes, yes. I know. It is a sad reality we endowed with female genitalia have to deal with. We could cry you a river, but then we would be even more dehydrated, and that’s bad news for whatever you want to have going on down there. Most times, most vaginas are lucky and self-lubricate. But it is not always enough, or sometimes can be completely lacking.
So we have to result to some external help. I speak, of course, of personal lubricants (please, children, do not use WD-40 internally or on mucus membranes) – though a good foreplay in capable hands will also aid things significantly.
With Vaginas, it’s all because of friction.
I remember seeing a T-Shirt sold in one of those tacky souvenir and novelty shops that spread like a bad case of the clap around the tourist traps in my city. I can’t recall the exact wording on the garment, but it showed a brief 3 panel comic with stick figures.
1st image: two stick figures fucking.
2nd image: their genitals catch fire.
3rd image: nothing is left but a pile of ash.
And that, my friends, is essentially what happens without personal lubricants if you’re unlucky. There are also many factors that can worsen said chafing, but that’s not what I wish to discuss here.
All this to say that I wish to review my favourite lube – especially when it comes to anything vaginal (sex, masturbation, toys).
PINK Water – designed with Women in mind
Please don’t be mislead by the caption. It is also fantastic for men! However, there are a few things that make the PINK Lubricant products the vagina’s special friend.
PINK is the line of female oriented lubes designed by the same company that does Gun Oil lube. While I have never used Gun Oil before, the reviews for it are stellar (except for the few idiots that mistook it as an actual firearm lubricant and wondered why it gummed up their weapons – god, I wish they were trolling!). So when I was looking for a personal lubricant for myself, I certainly short listed it as a potential choice.
My personal problem with most lubes is that my skin is too fucking sensitive.
I am not trying to be coy or cute about it – no Princess and the Pea tale here, folks! – my skin is bloody awful. Wonderfully pale, I bruise if you only look at me wrong. And I do mean bruise: the big, blackish-purple swells with the greenish tinge along the edges, grace my body every other inch. I seem to be a weird cross between a topographical map and a dalmatian.
On top of that, if I so much as think about going out in the sun without SPF 60 sunscreen, I break out in hives. You read that right. Miss Pippa doesn’t burn – in fact, she is one of the few lucky natural blondes of Northern Europe who can properly tan. As a compromise, though, she gets an allergic reaction to the fucking sunlight – because karma, I suppose. So if I am not careful (especially in the summer), I will spend all my days indoors, tearfully rubbing cortisone antihistamine creams onto my skin.
But, wait! There’s more! Call now and you can hear all about how Miss Pippa will bruise from the wind. This is not an exaggeration. Especially in the Winter, when the winds are icy cold and have a mean streak to them, I will end up with what looks like clawmarks all over my exposed skin (this is especially true of my neck and has been cause for concern for many acquaintances of mine). Bright red lines biting deep into the pale flesh. For most people, those marks go away in a matter of minutes. Mine last at least half a day.
All that to say that my skin needs – uh – extra special care when it comes to products that will be used on it. For instance, I can just forget about latex condoms: they give me a rash that will last for weeks.
In comes Pink Water to save the day!
(I also need to work on being more concise… jeez, that intro was long *sweatdrop*)
When I went with a list of potential lubricants to my local sex-toy-and-fetish-gear purveyor, I had to explain the litany of problems I have listed above. Almost immediately, the kind, perky, and very knowledgeable clerk showed me to the Pink Product Line.
“You can’t go wrong with that!”
she told me as she handed me a 200 ml (6.7 oz) bottle of Pink Silicone.
Aye! I thought to myself. There’s the rub. (Brownie points for the Shakespeare quote.) I needed a lubricant that was water based, both because of personal preference and for safer toy usage (because silicone on silicone equals blergh).
The lady kept smiling and just replaced my first bottle with one with a blue cap. This one was called Pink Water.
Let me tell you, vagina owners: that was the jackpot!
Odourless and very fluid, you could almost think it was water, if it did not have such a silky feel on the skin. With awesome gliding power, Pink Water does not need to be wiped off after your sexy times: it actually absorbs into your skin. I am honestly about a hair’s breadth away from using it as body lotion.
Nice and fresh feeling, a single drop of Pink Water goes a LONG way. One quick squish of the pump to release one droplet is enough to lube up the whole back of my hand (including fingers). Just imagine what two pumps can achieve!
A Feminine Design
The design of the Pink lubricant bottle has a dainty feminine look and feel to it. I am not suggesting this because it is called “Pink,” or because women need their own “special” designs (I honestly don’t think there is any of the Bic Pen for Her nonsense going here). No, it’s more that the bottle has an oblong shape that is reminiscent of the classic perfume bottles.
In other words, this is the kind of lube that I don’t think people would mind having on their vanity, or their nightstand. It looks neutral and classic enough that, unless you take time to read the Times New Roman 12. point font in blue further down the packaging, the untrained eye would not figure out it was a personal lubricant.
I swear I’ve had guests over, and I had forgotten to take the lube off the coffee table. I remember blushing furiously and snatching it off the table in embarrassment. But people had never noticed the lube. At worst, they had thought it was a body lotion. So my awkward attempts at hiding the bottle got me more weird looks than if I had just left it there, well alone.
The pump itself is super efficient. It works well and it is easy to use. I’ve also never had any issues with it gunking up with dried up lube (I’ve never seen it dry up anywhere, actually). The pump can be locked (just twist the spout clockwise by a few degrees) and unlocked for easy transportation and spill-proofness.
There is also a cap cover for the pump, which is brilliantly designed, in my opinion. Instead of being a full on cap that has to be wrenched off, it’s actually easy to remove with just a flick of the thumb. The back of the cap is open to make its removal easier as well.
And for those who take issue with the name Pink… it has naught to do with the colour, but rather with where you would apply it *wink*
Ingredients that work for sensitive skin-types
The back of the Pink Water reads as follows:
Water, Propylene-Glycol, Hydroxyethylcellulose, Aloe Barbadensis Leaf Extract, Potassium Sorbate, Sodium Benzoate, Tetrasodium EDTA, Panax Ginseng Root Extract, Paullinia Cupana (Guarana) Seed Extract, Avena Sativa (Oat) Extract, Polysorbate-20, PEG-45, Polyquartenium-5, Citric Acid.
Sounds scary, right? (Especially if you keep in mind all those advertisements about “only take things with ingredients you can understand.”) But I can assure you, it is anything but. I’ve done some research into the ingredients (on Wikipedia, and consulting my favourite science nerd, Mr. Wildcard) simply to reassure myself and others of the contents of this little bottle of slippery fun.
The water is H2O. If that’s something that needs explaining… uh… I’m afraid I can’t really help you.
Propylene-Glycol – first scary word! It is essentially what makes Pink Water a lube instead of just water. It is an organic compound that has some viscosity to it and it can safely be applied to the skin. “Prolonged contact with [the stuff] is essentially non-irritating to the skin.” You can even ingest it without any worries (unless you start drinking absolutely copious amounts of it in a short period of time… and I don’t recommend using lube as your drink of choice). The one note I would make is to avoid squishing the stuff in your eye: it may cause a slight irritation or conjunctivitis.
Some people do react allergically to Propylene-Glycol, but according to my favourite chemist, Mr. Wildcard, they are quite rare. If you are one of those individuals, I am afraid that this will not be the lube for you. But otherwise, you can feel safe and confident using a lube that contains it. I mean, the stuff is even used intravenously to stabilize some large dosages of drugs.
Hydroxyethylcellulose – boy that’s a mouthful! But it’s a normal ingredient to expect in a lubricant. It is a gel and thickening agent made from wood pulp that is “widely used in cosmetics, cleaning solutions, and other household products.” For instance, you are likely to find it in Advil liquigels, and most other drugs that are an encapsulated liquid. It’s also one of the main ingredients of the KY Jelly Personal Lubricants. So it’s safe and helps make the lube easy to clean off.
Aloe Barbadensis is a fancy way to say aloe vera. It’s very skin friendly and its moisturizing capacities are very useful in many cosmetics, soaps, lotions, etc.
Potassium sorbate is a preservative that you will find even in your food. It prevents moulds and yeasts from forming. In other words, if your vagina is prone to yeast infections because of lubricants, this one may be the key for you.
Sodium Benzoate – fulfills the double task of being a) a preservative (for foods too); and b) breaking down ammonia. It is used in curing urea cycle disorders, for instance. Again, ammonia is not something you want in your genital area during sex, so this isn’t a bad ingredient to have.
Tetra-blah-blah-blah EDTA: “It is on the World Health Organization’s List of Essential Medicines, the most important medications needed in a basic health system.” According Mr. Wildcard, chemical expert extraordinaire, it is a “chemical which causes metals and other dissolved impurities to precipitate out (a water softener).”
Ginseng is used as an aphrodisiac or stimulant, though its presence in the Pink Water is negligible.
Guarana is a natural sweetener which means that if someone decides to go down on you after you’ve lubed up, it won’t taste like you’ve just licked fresh paint off a wall.
Oat Extract – is not meant to be put into your breakfast cereal. “Oat extract can also be used to soothe skin conditions. Oat grass has been used traditionally for medicinal purposes, including to help balance the menstrual cycle, treat dysmenorrhoea and for osteoporosis and urinary tract infections.“
Polysorbate 20 helps with making things wetter (that’s right: it gets your own juices flowing too). PEG-45 has more to do with viscosity. As per Mr. Wildcard: “[it has] binding/moisturizing/other useful properties.” Poly-whateverthatlastthingwas-5 has uses in water treatments and “neutralizes ionic charges (reduces static electricity)” as per Mr. Wildcard.
Citric Acid – aaargh! Acid!! Scary word. But it is actually used in most creams, gels and liquids. “Citric acid is used as one of the active ingredients in the production of antiviral tissues.” It is also a pH-balancing antioxidant, according to my neighbourhood chemist.
Most importantly, the lubricant is hypoallergenic, and contains neither parabens, nor glycerin. It being paraben free was a huge selling point for me.
In other words, don’t fash yourselves. The ingredients are safe to use. But if you still have some qualms about it, Pink Lubricants has recently developed PINK Natural, which nixes a lot of the ingredients that may be unpleasant to some.
Actual Performance of PINK Water Lubricant
Despite having the Guarana in it, I actually find the PINK Water lubricant tastes like absolutely nothing.
Which is perfectly fine. I suppose the Guarana’s purpose was more to neutralize any flavours from the other ingredients, rather than to add a taste.
I would rather have a savourless lube (that is actually flavourless, rather than tasting like vaseline or body lotion like some “flavour-free” products do) than one that tastes of “strawberry,” or whatever they call it. I find that the tang in most flavoured genital products (whether it be lubricants or condoms) tastes as though they came from kryptonite gardens on Uranus or something. The taste of chemical waste is not one I personally enjoy. So I am perfectly fine with the lack of taste.
The product is also completely unscented.
When it comes to the glide factor it has… it’s simply divine!
The product website is not kidding when they say it feels like your natural juices. It really does, partially because it helps get your fluids going. It also absorbs into the skin so that, by the end, you can’t tell the difference between your own lubrication and PINK Water’s.
It also is beautifully slippery and silky smooth. I don’t feel all tacky after some good sexing when I have made use of the product. My husband is also a big fan of it because of its very natural feel, and because it helps ease friction and chafing so much that I’m always in for a smooth ride *wink*
I’ve put the PINK Water all over my cunt and suffered no ill-effects from it at all. Its non-irritant properties are a delight for gals like myself. I love being able to sex without the inevitable crotch itch that comes after using certain products (fuck you, latex!).
Even when not… uhm… “warmed up,” PINK Water lube still lives up to its name and makes everything glide easily. But it’s not overly slippery either. Cocks and toys slide in like seals on ice, but it’s not so slick that toys won’t stay in place (don’t you just hate when toys just slip out because of the lubricant?).
When finished, I’ve found that I’ve never had to wipe off any excess from my body, finding silky smooth skin where the lubricant had been. Safe for all toys, I’ve used it on anything from fingers and vibrators to my kegel balls. It is a fantastic product that does not stick to your toys, nor gums them up and it is safe for usage with silicone toys. The best part is that it cleans right up!
If anything, the only thing I can fault PINK Water on is that it must be reapplied for longer sexcapades, as the skin absorption factor means that marathons will require rehydration.
(TL;DR people should start reading here.)
My rating of this product ~~~~~~ 9.5/10
(due to the need for reapplication, and because giving it 10/10 sounds like I am sucking up to them too much)
PINK has a full line of lubricants and the Water is the only one I’ve tried. I know that my next purchase will be the new PINK Natural, as I am really curious to see the difference (same as PINK Water, minus some ingredients). I may also look into purchasing some Gun Oil for my husband, as I am so very satisfied with my experience with PINK.
Vaginally endowed people, I highly, highly recommend this lubricant (if the previous praise wasn’t enough to illustrate that). It fulfills all the sexy needs, be it toys, sex, comfort, you name it. Its scentless, flavourless, non-tacky hypoallergenicness makes it a real winner in my book.
Please make sure to visit PINK’s website: https://www.pinkforus.com/