Pink Water – Personal Lubricant Review

Review time! ^_^

Warning! Those who have issues with TL;DR, you may wish to skip ahead to the last header, though you will be missing out on some snarky remarks from me *wink*

About Lubricants (personal or otherwise)

We all have needed to use some at least once in our lives.

While we all have a great laugh at names like “Mr. Lube” and conversations that use the word “lubricate” (okay, it may be just me – screw you, I am too a mature individual!), but the truth is that it is a very necessary product. Whether you are using it to prevent a door from staying stuck, ensure the smooth running of your car, or using WD-40 to detangle a cosplay wig, the lubricant is what makes everything go smoothly (no pun int-… who am I kidding, that pun was totally intended!).

And vaginas are another contraption that requires some greasing.

Whether it was due to stress and nervousness, dehydration, medications, lack of arousal, hormones, time in the cycle; whatever the reason, the quote from Kill Bill

[…] this chick’s cooch will get drier than a bucket of sand

is sometimes more on point than an individual in possession of Lady Bits would desire.

Yes, yes. I know. It is a sad reality we endowed with female genitalia have to deal with. We could cry you a river, but then we would be even more dehydrated, and that’s bad news for whatever you want to have going on down there. Most times, most vaginas are lucky and self-lubricate. But it is not always enough, or sometimes can be completely lacking.

So we have to result to some external help. I speak, of course, of personal lubricants (please, children, do not use WD-40 internally or on mucus membranes) – though a good foreplay in capable hands will also aid things significantly.

With Vaginas, it’s all because of friction.

I remember seeing a T-Shirt sold in one of those tacky souvenir and novelty shops that spread like a bad case of the clap around the tourist traps in my city. I can’t recall the exact wording on the garment, but it showed a brief 3 panel comic with stick figures.

1st image: two stick figures fucking.

2nd image: their genitals catch fire.

3rd image: nothing is left but a pile of ash.

And that, my friends, is essentially what happens without personal lubricants if you’re unlucky. There are also many factors that can worsen said chafing, but that’s not what I wish to discuss here.

All this to say that I wish to review my favourite lube – especially when it comes to anything vaginal (sex, masturbation, toys).

PINK Water – designed with Women in mind

product_all_water

Please don’t be mislead by the caption. It is also fantastic for men! However, there are a few things that make the PINK Lubricant products the vagina’s special friend.

PINK is the line of female oriented lubes designed by the same company that does Gun Oil lube. While I have never used Gun Oil before, the reviews for it are stellar (except for the few idiots that mistook it as an actual firearm lubricant and wondered why it gummed up their weapons – god, I wish they were trolling!). So when I was looking for a personal lubricant for myself, I certainly short listed it as a potential choice.

My personal problem with most lubes is that my skin is too fucking sensitive.

I am not trying to be coy or cute about it – no Princess and the Pea tale here, folks! – my skin is bloody awful. Wonderfully pale, I bruise if you only look at me wrong. And I do mean bruise: the big, blackish-purple swells with the greenish tinge along the edges, grace my body every other inch. I seem to be a weird cross between a topographical map and a dalmatian.

On top of that, if I so much as think about going out in the sun without SPF 60 sunscreen, I break out in hives. You read that right. Miss Pippa doesn’t burn – in fact, she is one of the few lucky natural blondes of Northern Europe who can properly tan. As a compromise, though, she gets an allergic reaction to the fucking sunlight – because karma, I suppose. So if I am not careful (especially in the summer), I will spend all my days indoors, tearfully rubbing cortisone antihistamine creams onto my skin.

But, wait! There’s more! Call now and you can hear all about how Miss Pippa will bruise from the wind. This is not an exaggeration. Especially in the Winter, when the winds are icy cold and have a mean streak to them, I will end up with what looks like clawmarks all over my exposed skin (this is especially true of my neck and has been cause for concern for many acquaintances of mine). Bright red lines biting deep into the pale flesh. For most people, those marks go away in a matter of minutes. Mine last at least half a day.

All that to say that my skin needs – uh – extra special care when it comes to products that will be used on it. For instance, I can just forget about latex condoms: they give me a rash that will last for weeks.

In comes Pink Water to save the day!

(I also need to work on being more concise… jeez, that intro was long *sweatdrop*)

Continue reading

Advertisements

Trial By Fire: A Review of Play Party v. 24

Hello bunnies – I am returned… exhausted, but with a story to tell.

I am aware that my online presence has been wanting of late. It has a lot to do with stuff I’ve had to deal with at home and work… everything from losing my dog to getting disciplined by management. I’m at the end of my rope… and sadly not the good, kinky kind.

So, I decided to take a break from all that crappy, unpleasant adulting stuff, and decided to take time off to attend one of Mistress Hell Kitty‘s amazing play parties. This one was number 24 in a series, though unfortunately the last one at its specific location (due to change of ownership – or so was my understanding of the situation, – the dungeon needs a new venue).

I was a last minute guest.

I had been invited to the event by Mr. Wildcard eons ago. I had intended to attend, but my generosity towards my colleagues at work was taken advantage of, and I ended up scheduled on the evening of the party (a crappy 3 a.m. to 8 a.m. shift) and would have to miss out.

Then, after an awful day on the Thursday where just everything seemed to go to hell in a handbasket, I asked a colleague who owes me a favour if she could help me out. She initially accepted, and so I contacted the event organizers and got my butt on that guestlist. I needed the respite from responsibilities and keeping my shit together as much as I do.

So I was having a normal Saturday which went south very quickly. First off, I woke up late. I was supposed to be somewhere at noon. I woke up at 11:50. Then, what normally takes me a 15 minute drive on the worst of days took an hour (yes, 60 whole minutes) due to construction and stupid fucking #!@%&!!#$@%&! who don’t know how to drive. I ended up being nearly two hours late for my meeting, feeling embarrassed and enraged.

(As I would later tell my husband, traffic is the worst! I was really starting to lose my cool… I was beginning to think that ISIS could go fuck itself; if anyone is going to cause a mass bombing, it’s a person who is rage-quitting being stuck in traffic.)

Then, to make a dreadful day worse, my colleague got back to me and told me my shift was too shitty and she didn’t want to take it anymore. Apparently, I should just bite the bullet and go to work. I told her that I knew this wasn’t the deal of the century, but we had an agreement – and I had helped her countless times in the past, even when I found her shifts were not to my liking. To which the little… urgh! … did not respond for over three hours.

I honestly didn’t know at that point if I should drive myself off a cliff, or run over a pedestrian (I am using hyperbole, but I was still pretty ticked off).

The Play Party at the legendary dungeon of the glorious Mistress Hellkitty, was no longer on the table for me…

Until my colleague finally took my shift. I had the Sunday off and, thus, could freely attend Play Party #24 after all.

I was jittery and anxious. It would be my first time going to such a very “public” play party. There were only about 60 attendees; but as someone who was only familiar with Miss Pearl’s play parties (which never have more than a dozen guests), I was terrified.

Social anxieties notwithstanding, I didn’t find out I could attend the party (which started at 10 p.m.) until shortly before 9 in the evening. Panic immediately set in!

What am I going to wear?

I may have flailed while asking myself that particular question. I had no ideas, no plans, and I looked like death warmed up (no make-up, etc.).

A fetish outfit?

No good – the ones I have from my modelling days won’t fit my stupidly overgrown chesticles. Besides, I am not sure I fit in any of them anymore. Breasts notwithstanding, I no longer have the lovely figure I had when I was twenty-one.

Pretty and Sexy Lingerie?

Well… yes, sure. But again, I am having a huge brassiere shortage in my dresser. All my bras are C-cups. I have grown to a DD-E cup about three years ago, but have been too broke to properly update my undergarment collection. And god knows that ill fitting bras look awful!

A Kinky Themed Outfit?

Sure – but what?! All my costumes are in boxes. We only moved a little over a month ago! What can I possibly…?

While running through my apartment like a chicken with it’s head cut off, I stumbled on a wonderful find. In my stocking and tight drawer (yes, I have a drawer dedicated exclusively to those – and no socks are allowed in it! – thanks to my job uniform requiring new tights about two-three times a week), I found these:

vertical_striped_thigh_high_stockings_2
The dream find that inspired me.

There were completely untouched: unopened and unworn. I had bought them years ago (about two apartments ago), and thrown them in the back of my stocking drawer only to forget all about them. Well, it was time they came out to party too. And, given their appearance, I knew what I would dress up as:

A Circus Ring Master!

I had everything I needed.  Continue reading

Self(ie)-Portrait!

Hello my naughty bunnies!

While I have been a boring old lady of late and not done very much in the way of kink, I have not forgotten you. In fact, I created ART just for you! *wink*

Given the fact that I had a rather unpleasant course of the monthlies and that my subby-hubby was completely exhausted (and on an opposite schedule than I) by his new job, I spent my time having kinky thoughts and putting them to paper.

Me, Myself and I

Oh, but they’re not in writing – no. That took way more concentration than this bloated and migrane-y Femdom was able to conjure. Instead, I simply sat down, picked up a pencil, and drew this:

casual_miss-pippa_colour

This is a more or less accurate self-portrait that I drew on a whim. I haven’t done this whole drawing thing in a long time, so my kinky art needs some work. But I would say that, for a first attempt at drawing again after a five year hiatus, this wasn’t too bad at all.

About the Drawing

Continue reading

Have Another…

Unfortunately, I find myself in a bind of late. I do not wish to go on another hiatus, but work is keeping me busy, busy, busy! I will be travelling next month, so I am working extra to save some spending money for the occasion. Sadly, my kinky lifestyle is taking a backseat as a result.

This does not mean that you are forgotten, however, my naughty bunnies! Miss Minty is still around and even wishes to post enthusiastically. Unfortunately, as I am not having nearly as much sex as I would like lately (subby-hubby is exhausted by his new job and I’m simply all work), I am not one hundred percent sure of what to discuss as a topic in the meantime…

Suggestions?

Well, that’s that for right. Once I have something for you guys, I promise a nice post, like the usual.

For now, my dears, you will simply have to be content with another photo of me.

This one is an old one: it was taken maybe 6 or 7 years ago, when my relationship with the hubby was still new and crisp… and I was so wonderfully slender! *wistful sigh* I wish I could look like that again. That was back in my blonde days too…

missminty1
Back in my blonde days… Must have been around 2009. Photographer: Guy Labrie

Well, I hope you like it! I am just sad I won’t ever look like that again… the worst part is, even then, I thought I was too fat. So now I feel even worse. But that’s beside the point.

Hugs and spanks to all!