– Day Twenty-Two –
What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?
Honestly, when it comes to keeping a relationship healthy, I am not sure that a BDSM relationship does differ from a vanilla one. I find that any and every relationship, whether it be romantic, platonic, or even just an acquaintanceship will suffer if people do not communicate openly with each other. Passive-aggressive behaviour and having the person you are in a relationship with guess at what you are feeling usually leads to disaster. Eventually, you will get to a point in your relationship that you will know each others’ thoughts, but still never assume that that is the case. Communication, respect, honesty are key to any relationship. As I’ve mentioned in a previous Thirty Days of Kink post, they are also key elements to a healthy kinky relationship, as they also imply safety and consent.
– Day Twenty-Three –
Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed? How so?
Absolutely. While I still occasionally like to switch and be submissive, I have found myself more and more on the Dominant side of things. I enjoy being a FemDom. I enjoy the power and the mischief I can get up to. And I enjoy taming my total brat of a husband. I think that this Dominant side of me was always there, but allowing it to truly blossom has changed my outlook on kink and on my own place in life in general. Thanks to Miss Pearl‘s good advice, I have also benefited from a completely different perspective of kink than the one I first came in with.
I believe I have mentioned this before, but I initially got in with the BDSM Fashion crowd. Not bad people, but like in every model event, it is full of pettiness and backstabbing. Honestly, I thought all kink was either totally extreme or totally bitchy for the longest time because of this. So I stepped out of the scene.
My relationship with my husband and my meeting Miss Pearl has allowed me to grow into kink in a more wholesome way. I have now made kink my own in a way I never had before. I realized that if latex doesn’t make me feel sexy, I don’t have to wear it to be a Dom. It’s little details like that that make me very happy my perspective has changed, as I now enjoy my sex-life a lot more.
– Day Twenty-Four –
What qualities do you look for in a partner?
I misread this as “apartment” initially, silly me!
The answer can be summed up in one word: chemistry. If it doesn’t click, no matter how attractive someone is or how interested I am in getting in their pants, they will never be an actual partner of mine. I have to have that spark. Without it, I fear my excessive personality will take over and not allow me to have a proper relationship, platonic or otherwise, with said person.
Naturally, I also look for other things, but I don’t think it is anything different from others. I look for a partner that I can trust (my deep seated trust issues can make this hard, but it does work out in the long run). I look for someone that I can trust with my fears and concerns and for someone who will ensure my safety and opinion are always respected. I look for someone who will be supportive of me and who can help me make difficult decisions. Essentially, I want my partner to be my absolute best friend.
I am a very lucky woman to say that I have found that man.