Note: I am sorry for the delay in posting, my naughty bunnies. Unfortunately, real-life-itis has struck me hard this week. I am moving to a new apartment and hardly have any downtime. This is me trying to catch up. I am still alive!
Thirty Days of Kink
– Day 17 –
What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?
Oh gosh… there are so many! For brevity’s sake, let’s make a brave attempt at another list. In no particular order (because my mind feels like burnt scrambled eggs):
a) That all FemDoms are part of that latex-wearing, whip cracking Dominatrix Old Guard.
Every time I say I am a Dom, people look at me as if to ask “latex, really?” The two are not inherently related, people! Not that the leather stuff isn’t fun – I just don’t have the patience for any of that stuff. (And I have nothing against Doms who enjoy the “Old Guard.” It’s just not for everyone.)
b) That Doms are these stone walls.
They are people! They have feelings. Dominants can have their off days, their anxieties and their weak moments. The idea that a Dom can stoically face anything because they have controlling attitudes and usually keep a firm hand on their submissives is ridiculous. Having control over a partner does not equate having control over your life. Doms can also be neurotic and anxious basket cases like myself.
c) That submissives are mostly female.
There is this weird idea that I’ve found inherent in a lot of erotica and kink discussions. People seem to be certain that women are meant for submission and that Femdoms are the rare exception. Well, we might be rarer but that has to do with the way society has shaped and manipulated us into hiding. Not every woman is a submissive. Never assume that.
d) That switches are secretly hiding their true colours.
It seems like people distrust switches. I was kicked out of a FetLife group a few weeks back for being a sometimes switch. Apparently, preferring to be a Dom but enjoying the switch in power play every once in a while does not make me a true Dom. Apparently, it also means I can’t be a true submissive. I call bullshit. It’s like saying that bisexuals are actually just hiding their true sexuality. It’s not a fair statement at all.
e) That submissive men are weak.
Okay, seriously, what the fuck? Where does this idea of the weak sub come from? I like my subs to be brats, because when someone fights back, my control feels like a challenge (and subsequently a victory). I like winning. If there’s no fight, there’s no fun. If a man goes down without any resistance, I zone out. I need that look of inner turmoil: the desire to be stronger, but also open and vulnerable. Submission is about being layed bare, body and soul; not weakness.
And that was the sparknotes version…
– Day 18 –
Any kink/BDSM pet peeves?
Uhm, yes – I suppose. Is it bad that I can’t think of them at the moment? After a long day at work and moving house, all I can think about are my pet peeves at work (which include slow walkers, moronic questions, and unjustifiably aggressive attitudes).
The pet peeves I can think of off-hand are:
They are the ones who claim to know everything. Their way is correct and you are an uncouth philistine for having different tastes or otherwise. That attitude is just gross. Even if they think they’re being nice by trying to teach you: there just isn’t a one true way! Everyone is different, so turn ons will vary. I like to fuck strong men I have made vulnerable. I like to see them beg. Other Doms like to see their subs bleeding an suspended. I neither have the time, nor the patience to do that. The result is rather simple domination… But I would never claim that I am the only one who holds the secret of how to kink. I think that kinksters should simply share their experiences and let others go from there on their own.
Old Perverts Who Assume Kinky = Consent
Yes, they exist.
Now, I may be generalizing by calling them “old,” and I am sorry if I am, but it is the mental image I have of any scene creeper. Older and just, well, sleazy… *shudders* I formed this opinion through my own experiences, but goodness knows that there are young creepers out there too (I just have no first hand experience with them).
I remember one old creeper in particular… I had gothed up my look that day and was, as ever, cleave-tastic. I was also wearing my favourite mini-skirt (a lovely black pin-stripe number that doesn’t really cover the bottom of my cheeks). A guy followed me and kept trying to accost and proposition me.
“You look like the kind of girl who would…”
NO! Just fucking NO! The way I look does not imply that I would do ANYTHING with you. And I certainly did not consent to your pestering and following me. I showed him my engagement ring and he backed off for about a millisecond before returning with a different approach: “That’s okay. I think it’s hotter that way.”
OH MY GOD! FUCK YOU!!
I ended up having to duck inside a store and tell the store manager about my situation. She had me hide in a changing room at the back. She was going to kick him out but he came in under the pretense of shopping. It took fourty-five minutes for the jerk to leave!
I have other experiences in the same vein, so I guess you could say this is a genuine pet peeve that keeps coming back to haunt me.
Those are all I can think of off the top of my head. I will have to post another double-post tomorrow. I can maybe even elaborate a little bit on the monotony and stress of my real life (though I’m sure none of you reader bunnies are interested in that).
Until then, cheerio!