– Day Thirteen –
Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you. Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?
Uhm… because it’s my sexuality? I’m not sure I’d go so far as to call it my sexual orientation, but, for as long as I can remember, I’ve been into the kinky stuff. I was raised in Germany by a mother born in the 1960s. My mother never shut up about sex, even when I was a child.
I quickly became hyper-sexualised that way. I was curious about sex long before my peers in school and long before I had the hormones to make it a pleasant experience. Thanks to German late-night television and smutty magazines, I also quickly discovered the world of porn. And missionary was just… BORING!
So I looked at other things. I always enjoyed the feel of leather against skin. I’m a horseback rider, so I won’t deny having a preference for riding crops. It was little things like that that attracted me to BDSM in the first place. Also, the idea of being tied up and of con-non-con (consensual non-consent) just turned me on from the earliest moments…
But what draws me in the most is the look in the eyes of my play partner. When I make a handsome man like my husband beg me for things. When he begs to have me, when he begs me to come, breathless and enthralled by my sexual power over him, I get weak at the knees. (Not to mention soaking wet between my thighs!) This vulnerability and desire in a man just gets to me. Also, the inherent trust in a D/s relationship is something I love. And I’m just not that much of a fan of plain ol’ sex. Don’t get me wrong – I love PIV when I’m in the mood for it. But the mood has to strike me. I get very little out of it otherwise. I don’t even finger my vagina when I masturbate. I prefer to tease my clit instead. Penetration is something I have to desire for it to happen, but I can still get my rocks off in other ways.
And I think that that is the main appeal. Getting my kink on and being sexual without “laying back and thinking of England.” I love bringing the tease and playfulness to the table. I get turned on by ideas in my mind – I get turned on when I daydream about what I might do to my husband when I get home. The actual “traditional” definition of sex is overrated. The teasing is where all the fun lies.