Who, What, When, Where, Why?

The first thing I was ever taught about writing a story was to respect that rule. There are five vital questions that must be answered in your story. Who is the story about? What is happening to them? When is it happening? Where? And, most importantly, the motivation aspect: why? Although this blog is intended to be more of a memoir/journal type of site, I will construct it properly, as I have been taught.

So, here are the answers to these all-important questions…

Who am I?

(“Can I condemn this man to slavery?” – Yes, I can! … And I will not apologise for gratuitous musical references. I will someday win a Tony Award!)

While I would love to say that it is obvious, I fear that I, myself, still lack the answer to that question. I am in search of the person I am, because I don’t think I am who I was meant to be yet… This is due in part to a crisis of personality and confidence that has been plaguing me for some years now. However, it is also due to some things in my past that I am trying to let go of – as I move on to new things, I am not sure of who I am, as I am still morphing into something new.

There are a few things about me, however, that have remained consistent, and those I will most gladly reveal. I am happily “married” (my glorified boyfriend forgot to file the official paperwork, so I am not “technically” wed, despite having the ring and worn the white dress already…) to a man whom I love deeply, and who is helping me exploring my sexuality and whims. He is very turned on by my newfound dominance and helping me evolve into what I wish to become. When I first got together with him, I was a total submissive, partly because of past trauma – a means to defend myself. I went from that to being a switch, enjoying the power trips I could get at the top. However, we got in with a bad crowd, and the idea of being a dominant suddenly scared me. I retreated so far that I stayed off the fetish scene for years, hiding behind a Vanilla persona to protect myself.  It is only with the advent of a new friendship – with a group of open and accepting friends – that I have been allowing my dominant personality to emerge again.

Because I am a Dom. When people get a glimpse of me, in my relationship, that tends to be the image I project: I am the one in control. I have been a control freak all my life. It is only natural to wish for control over my sexuality… and control over my partners.

So, who am I? I am not Jean Val-Jean. But I am quite happy condemning my partner to slavery.

What is this about?

It will sound excessively narcissistic, but this is about me. It is about my journey as an emerging Dom and my experiences (and experiments) with FemDom. It is, simply put, a journal of my sex-life. In an age where people vlog and blog and overshare everything online, so much so that a simple cat photo can go viral, why not share my new reality with the world?

A close (and amazing) friend of mine (her name is Miss Pearl O’Leslie… you will want to read her stuff. Here’s a link to her site. Go. NOW!) inspired me to do this. She writes about FemDom (and does she ever write it beautifully), in part because she wants others to have easy access to FemDom stories, and because her blog can teach others to follow in her footsteps. I am hoping that my little blog experiment will push others to do the same, so that real-life FemDom can stop being something that haunts the creepy corners of the Internet, and be seen as the healthy sexual preference it actually is.

Simple, really.

When is this taking place?

In the here and now…

But that is not how I wish to answer the question. The “when” here, is not so much about the time at which I post, as the “when” on my own timeline. In other words: where am I in my life?

Well, I am recovering from my second severe episode of Major Depressive Disorder. I had to take several months off work and my naturally dark thoughts had taken a turn for the worse, frequently turning into thoughts of suicide. Self-loathing is the biggest hurdle I have yet to clear. This comes from a long history of misunderstandings and bullying from my peers. So, where am I in my life? I am not yet 30, but I have graduated from University. I have a Bachelor of Arts and a second degree in English Drama. I dabble in theatre and acting on the side, while I work part-time for an airline to make ends meet. In other words, I am at a point many other millennials must be at in their lives right now.

And I am on meds. Lots of meds.

Where am I?

I guess I partially answered this with the above question of where I stand in my life. If you wish to know my geographical location, I live in a metropolis of second largest country in the world. It might also interest some of you that I am half-German, half-French-Canadian. It is a bizarre combination, I tell you… I never feel quite at home in one country or the other…

Why?

Ah, yes! Perhaps the most important question of them all… Why did I choose to start writing this?

Well, as I’ve mentioned above, my friend Miss Pearl has inspired me to do my part for the FemDom world. Another friend, a trans man, is documenting his journey through his transition. So as I am transitioning from the shy vanilla sub I was pretending to be only last year, I see no harm in documenting my experience. I can only hope it will be helpful to some, in the same way that Miss Pearl’s blog has been helpful to me. I may be a sadist and a control freak, but that does not mean that I do not wish to do my part. The Fetish community is nothing if not a strong and helpful community.

This is something I have only learned recently, unfortunately. My first stint in the Fetish community was… frankly mortifying. I used to model latex and corsets at a big event known as the Montreal Fetish Weekend. I was good friends with one of the fashion designers, which is how I got my “in” to the community. Not the best way to get there, if I may be totally honest. This caused me to meet only the “fashionistas” of the Fetish world. Nice people, but a bit extreme… and some of them are most certainly the wrong crowd.

An ex-roommate of mine kept bringing a local menace into our house for some play sessions… it was uncomfortable at best, totally creepy at worst. When that roommate left, I left the Fetish scene out of fear that the rest of the community would be like her and her hair-raising partners… Her relationships were a lot more 50 Shades of Grey than I am comfortable with (and this was a few years before the books). It left a bad taste behind and, as I had only been introduced to similar individuals, I feared that the fetish community was rife with nothing but people who used BDSM as an excuse to abuse and take advantage of those more vulnerable than they were.

So the roommate left, and I became Vanilla. It was a “missionary only” time in my life and I actually had very little sex during that time. This was due, in part, to my depression. I did not realize I suffered of the condition until 3 years into it. I spent almost three weeks paralyzed in bed, fearful to leave the house and crying at the thought of getting up. I was not in a good place. Needless to say, during that time, my libido took a deep, deep plunge. I think my poor boyfriend went without sex for at least 5 months despite living with me. Sex seemed like a chore, but I felt guilty if I did not give in every once in a while; because only heartless women refuse sex for their men, right?

Then I got treatment for my depression and my libido miraculously returned (and with a vengeance). I suddenly could not keep my hands off my boyfriend. But, things would soon take another bad turn when my doctor had to take me off my birth-control pill. Apparently, due to my very severe migraines, the oestrogen in the pills could give me blood clots or something… So they gave me progesterone only pills. The dive my libido took on that pill was so severe; I could swear that birth-control only works by causing total abstinence. I went off it after three months. Since then, I have stuck to condoms, mostly, though an allergy to latex made that a problem too. Luckily, they make latex-free ones.

Without the birth-control, my sex-life improved a great deal. However, sex still felt like something of a chore. I did not enjoy it as much as I should. Among other things, I found it very difficult to orgasm at all. I climaxed, sure, but a genuine orgasm is something I have only experienced very recently, with my rediscovery of FemDom.

I think I may have lost my train of thought somewhat… oh, well.

It was after a play party (my first in which I actively participated). I decided to submit to a friend. If someone just looks at me wrong, I will bruise like a banana, so I was black and blue by the end of our session and quite high on endorphins. My glorified boyfriend/House-Husband, had submitted to another friend of ours that evening. I found myself very, very turned on by the control that she exercised over him. So, with my arse smarting like it had never done before, I took control of my boy-toy as soon as we set foot in our house. I had my way with him on our couch… and he loved every second of it. The empowerment I felt as the top was such as I had never felt before. I could get drunk on that power. I wish I could absorb that feeling and never give it up. But that is a work in progress. I also learned, that night, that communication, honesty and trust are crucial elements to a safe BDSM relationship. This is something that has dramatically changed my relationship with my wannabe-husband. Since I have rediscovered FemDom, we communicate more than we ever have before and, for the first time ever, I think, our sex-life is now truly fulfilling.

I remember those times, during my latex modeling days, when I would wear corsets and dominate my boyfriend. I was not fully comfortable or confident at the time. I am still not confident and I sometimes hesitate… But my Dom friends tell me it comes with much practice, experience and mistakes. So I am hoping that this blog will record some of my mistakes – though I will ensure to also list my triumphs.

Are you ready to start this adventure? Whether you are or not, I’m going for it.

TL;DR: Hi. This is Pippa Minty. Welcome to my Blog.

 

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